Earth to Paladino

Dear Carl,

You've already blown the election.   You didn't need to make the rubble bounce.   So why the unnecessary and irrelevant comments out of the blue about gay people?

Was there no one to tell you it could only cause trouble?   That you'd alienate the many gay Republicans and conservatives out there?   Or that the only thing you should be talking about are the one or two points about how you'll rescue the state and its taxpayers?

You see, Carl, all the people who had hoped you'd be a successful agent for change would gladly vote for an openly gay candidate for governor, who promised an all-gay administration, if they thought that candidate could change the state policies that have wrecked New York and that drive taxes higher.

The only thing that made sense in your televised catastrophe last Thursday was your comment, "I'm not a politician."   The problem is that you're running against someone who is.   That's how he knows to say things like "No new taxes."   What clever liberal needs new taxes in a state that already taxes bagel-slicing?

If you were a politician yourself, you'd be savvy enough to ask him, "But what about increases in all the existing taxes?"

But you haven't had time to make that point, because you're too busy trying to prove that you don't hate gays.

So what's next?   Did you give a Columbus Day speech to a Native American group?   Will you recount to the NAACP fond memories of eating Aunt Jemimah pancakes while watching Amos 'n Andy?   Will you give a speech to the Larchmont Country Club in that comic Thurston Howell III voice that gets a big laugh at the Bada Bing?

In the Austin Powers movies, Dr. Evil asks in moments of frustration, "Why must I be surrounded by idiots?"   You need a similar moment of clarity.   You're not an idiot.   But you're surrounded by them.   And they're doing a brilliant job of making you look like one.