For a Front-Page Hatchet Job, "Reporting" Mimics Art
at the Democrat and Chronicle
(With Apologies to Monty Python)
[CUE OMINOUS MUSIC]
March 8, 2011 was much like any other winter's day in Rochester and John Auberger, Supervisor of the Town of Greece, was on his way to work as usual when . . . nothing happened!
Scarcely able to believe his eyes, Auberger looked down, but one glance confirmed his suspicions: behind a bush, on the side of the road, there was no severed arm, no dismembered trunk of a man in his late fifties, no head in a bag –- nothing, not a thing!
For John Auberger, this was not to be the start of any trail of events which would not, in no time at all, involve him in neither a tangled knot of suspicion nor any web of lies, which would -- had he been not uninvolved -- surely have led him to no other place than the Central Criminal Court! But it was not to be.
John Auberger reached his office on Long Pond Road, Greece, at 9.05 a.m. -- exactly the same time he usually got in.
ENID: Morning, Supervisor Auberger.Enid, a sharp-eyed, clever young woman, who had been with the office for only four weeks, couldn't help noticing the complete absence of tiny, but telltale blood stains on Mr. Auberger's clothing. Nor did she notice anything strange in Auberger’s behavior that whole morning, nor the next morning, nor at any time before or since the entire period she worked for the Town.
AUBERGER: Morning, Enid.
AUBERGER: Have the new paper clips arrived, Enid?But for the lack of any untoward circumstances for this young secretary to notice and the total non-involvement of Supervisor Auberger in anything illegal, the full weight of the law would have ensured that John Auberger would have ended up like all who challenge the fundamental laws of our society: in an iron coffin with spikes on the inside!
ENID: Yes, they're over there, Mr. Auberger.
Audio of the original Python sketch.